How do I know if my partner will be faithful? Is there a way we can know if our partners are going to cheat? Well, there is in my opinion and experience, three significant signs that it is a high risk in a relationship.
That’s not to say it will apply to everyone, but If it could, then the good news is this can be worked on.
So what are the three signs?
1) You met when one or both of you were still in a relationship. If they do it with you they will do it to you. If we have little regard for someone we are in a relationship with, even if we know this relationship is finished, then to walk away without ending that relationship with compassion and respect could be a character flaw that will indeed remain and resurrect when life gets difficult in the future. So to argue that “oh it was ending any way” or “we should have finished months ago” does not give us the right or permission to disrespect ourselves, and our previous partner, or more importantly to disrespect that relationship.
2) One or both of you have had affairs in the past. A good indicator of relevant future behavior is relevant past behavior. So if we have already engaged in behavior that we turn outside the relationship we were presently in, we have used that as a way to cope or get through whatever difficulties we were experiencing at that moment, it’s likely unless we know why, that we will use that coping strategy again.
3) If either of you has a family history of betrayal. Betrayal comes in many forms in an intimate relationship, affairs, gambling, and alcohol or drug abuse to name a few, all these behaviours are behaviours that take us away from the relationship, they create secrets and lies and mistrust, and in my experience trust is the foundation of all our relationships.
So can we change any of the above?
Well I believe we can, it is my view and experience that people who have affairs it is rarely because they have met the love of their life and had no choice, love wins all, no its my experience we are dealing with someone who has low confidence and low self-respect, they are likely to have a background, childhood of secrets and unknowns. They are likely to have accepted they have no voice, or little power in their lives and so when things become difficult at home, they may view their partner as the powerful one, and to gain some power, they turn outside the relationship.
They may have learned to be cold hearted and almost mean spirited in their pursuit of having multiple affairs, this is in my experience usually because they have become almost inadequate in forming loving lasting relationships.
I would like to say that people who have affairs or commit any form of infidelity (betrayal) are fully responsible for their behaviour and the hurt they have caused, but we need to acknowledge you cannot change what you don’t know.
So for change to occur, we need to explore why we accept this for ourselves and why we have little regard for ourselves and those we love and care for.