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How to Normalise the Abnormal.

How to normalise the abnormal

I once heard someone say “you cannot change what you do not know or see”.

During this worldwide pandemic, this unusual time, this unprecedented situation we don’t know what is going to happen, so therefore we cannot change this.

So I want you to for a second imagine a child or group of children, you take them out of school you tell them to stay home and do ‘nothing’  try and occupy yourself, but don’t go out because its dangerous.

They are likely to be, scared, frightened, and now have to make some sort of sense out of this.

That’s probably where we all are.

But there are things we can consider, and there are things we know.

Many years ago a prominent psychologist Abraham Maslow, developed a theory of psychological health predicated on fulfilling innate human needs in priority, culminating in self-actualization.

What that means is Maslow looked at how we  had our needs met at various stages, enabling us to move on to the next stage of needs we required, to become out true self, content, happy and fulfilled.

The 2 basic Human needs are identified by Maslow:

  • At the bottom of the hierarchy are the “Basic needs or Physiological needs” of a human being: food, water, sleep to name a few.
  • The next level is “Safety Needs: Security, Order, and Stability”. These two steps are important to the physical survival of the person. Once individuals have basic nutrition, shelter and safety, they attempt to accomplish more.

In other words if we can maintain both of the above we can feel motivated to do more, be more, achieve more.

However if we don’t have these needs met, we are likely to be like the children above, scared and fearful. 

This can turn to anger and negative behaviour, alcohol, drugs gambling. We may become withdrawn or start attacking verbally or in some instances physically ourselves or partners.

The reason we could start to use negative behaviours and thoughts is because we are unable or are struggling to go to the next stage of Maslow’s theory.

  • The third level of need is “Love and Belonging”, which are psychological needs; when individuals have taken care of themselves physically, they are ready to share themselves with others, such as with family and friends.

It is not natural for a lot of us to not hug, or kiss, we are generally social by nature. Having to go shopping and stand in a line, unable to connect to others, having post left on steps outside. Looking at our friends, neighbours, even family members as if they could harm us none of these things are normal or natural, and actually make us feel lonely and sad.

At the beginning of this article I stated “you cannot change what you do not know or ….”.

What if Maslow’s hierarchy of needs CAN be met?

What if we acknowledge, actually I can still love my friends and family, only it’s going to be in a different way?

So now we know, we can do it different.

So if we are living with family, we can:

If our children or partners are acting/feeling/being angry or snappy or generally moody, do something for them, run them a bath, tell them to go lay down, read a book, and listen to some music, meditate. Make it something you have thought about and know they will relax with.

If we feel angry or snappy or generally moody, be kind to ourselves, don’t be too hard on yourself but take responsibility and look after you, go for a bath, go for a walk, if you can’t, go in your garden, if you can’t, go listen to some relaxing meditation, do something you know you will enjoy, give your self-permission, but try and put a time on it, in other words you could say, today I’m going to do things for me, or for the next 2 hours I’m going to do things for me.

For family and friends we don’t live with, we can:

Text or skype, learn how to do fun things together on the internet so for instance, if you always went to meet friends on a Friday, then try and do the same thing on the internet. There are lots of social platforms to use.

This is our new normal now, this could go on for some time, and we can decide how we manage some of this.

“Once you know it, you can change it”

If you need help making changes don’t be afraid to reach out to someone, I’m offering a Drop-in online for free, please note this is not therapy, this is to offer tools or guidance.

for a slot in my FREE drop in go to contact and send me your details. I will always aim respond within 2 hours .

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Can you tell if someone will cheat?

YES!!

There are, I believe 3 signs there is a high risk you, or your partner could cheat.

3 Very significant signs that it is a high risk in your relationship. That’s not to say it will apply to everyone, but it could.

The good news is this can be worked on,I have worked successfully with many couples where there has been infidelity, loss of trust.

So lets look through the signs.

So what are the three signs?

1) You met when one or both of you were still in a relationship. If they do it with you they will do it to you.

If we have little regard for someone we are in a relationship with, even if we know this relationship is finished, then to walk away without ending that relationship with compassion and respect could be a character flaw that will indeed remain and resurrect when life gets difficult in the future.

So to argue that “oh it was ending any way” or “we should have finished months ago” does not give us the right or permission to disrespect ourselves, and our previous partner, or more importantly to disrespect that relationship.

2) One or both of you have had affairs in the past. A good indicator of relevant future behavior is relevant past behavior. So if we have already engaged in behavior that we turn outside the relationship we were presently in, we have used that as a way to cope or get through whatever difficulties we were experiencing at that moment, it’s likely unless we know why, that we will use that coping strategy again.

Addictive Behaviours can be an indication.

3) If either of you has a family history of betrayal. Betrayal comes in many forms in an intimate relationship, affairs, gambling, and alcohol or drug abuse to name a few, all these behaviours are behaviours that take us away from the relationship, they create secrets and lies and mistrust, and in my experience trust is the foundation of all our relationships.

So can we change any of the above?

It takes time ……..But you can be Happy again.

Well I believe we can, it is my view and experience that the people who have affairs, it is rarely because they have met the love of their life and had no choice, love wins all, no its my experience we are dealing with someone who has low confidence and low self-respect, they are likely to have a background, childhood of secrets and unknowns.

They are likely to have accepted they have no voice, or little power in their lives and so when things become difficult at home, they may view their partner as the powerful one, and to gain some power, they turn outside the relationship.

They may have learned to be cold hearted and almost mean spirited in their pursuit of having multiple affairs, this is in my experience usually because they have become almost inadequate in forming loving lasting relationships.

I would like to say that people who have affairs or commit any form of infidelity (betrayal) are fully responsible for their behaviour and the hurt they have caused, but we need to acknowledge you cannot change what you don’t know.

So for change to occur, we need to explore why we accept this for ourselves and why we have little regard for ourselves and those we love and care for.

If you suspect this might be an issue for you, or has been in the past ,or feel you need someone to talk to , why not give me a call.

I offer free 30 minute telephone call, so what do you have to lose?

07539738191

or click on the contact button below. I strive to respond within 2 hours unless an emergency.

it could change your life.

How understanding self-worth and self-value, can help you understand you and your relationships.

what, why, how?

So we talk a lot about valuing ourselves, this creates self-esteem and self-confidence and allows us to be all we should be.

But what is self-value? How do you know you have it? If we don’t know what it is or how to feel or understand it, how can we get it?

Well I might be able to help, in a really simple and easy way to see it, feel it and apply it and understand it.

For this I’m going to use 2 things, Maslow Hierarchy of needs theory, and banking, yes banking. Oh and our case study, Fred.

So first concept,

Quite simple, the lower levels are what we need to achieve before we move on the next level, and so we do this until we reach the top where we, self-actualize, or in my words become everything we should be.

So to begin to understand if we are reaching our levels, we need to go back to birth.

Maslow’s Physical

All babies need, is feeding, warmth, and liquids to survive, they have no need for anyone unless they are going to supply these needs, and it’s that simple, they quickly recognize who supplies this, by smell, by touch, by voice, etc.

So here we will now look at banking.

So we all know babies are born with these innate needs, now let’s say hypothetically these needs are classed as £1000, so every baby has £1000 in the ‘Bank of value’.

However they have no power to know how this is managed as babies/children, so they have to trust the adults to do this for them.

This £1000 never goes above £1000 but it can go down, you don’t know how much is in the bank, you just get notified by the ‘Bank of value’, your money has gone down or up, you don’t know how or why, because to know how or why you need to be an adult, so the bank doesn’t tell the child.

How does it go down? Well every time the baby is not getting their innate needs met, they lose money, every time they are scared, they lose money, every time they are made to feel anxious they lose money.

This makes the child wary and scared because someone might take their money out of their bank, and it is really hard to put this money back, so they start to build strong vaults around their bank, to secure it from depleting anymore.

Meet Fred

This happened to Fred, and so now he is a little scared, and angry, he has temper tantrums, he doesn’t sleep well, and he is struggling in school. ‘Bank of Value, tell him he is losing money but because he doesn’t know how or why, he doesn’t know what to do to stop it, this makes him frightened, scared and frustrated which leads to him being angry.

Maslow’s security.

So now Fred is at school, he is now looking to make friends, but he struggles and gets into trouble at school. He hit a boy who was bullying him and had taken money out of his bank, the school tell his parents, they don’t listen to Fred and so he gets more punishment and this hurts again, so now he doesn’t feel secure, he doesn’t feel safe, and now his money is going out of his bank again, he doesn’t know what to do. He decides I know I have to build a strong wall around my bank. He is tired of having to keep watching his bank, he is angrier than ever now, he doesn’t really speak to his family, and he withdraws into his world.

Part of Fred’s world is his love of music, he has taught himself to sing, he likes singing, and his choir teacher told him he had a lovely voice and should try and be a singer.

But no one in his family listens to him so he stopped singing in front of them, but it makes him feel happy, and sometimes not all the time if he has sang particularly well, a little bit of money goes into his bank.

It’s exhausting to keep checking all his money hasn’t gone, but he has to be on top of it all the time. He decided to not have friends, or share anything in case they take money out of his bank.

Maslow’s social.

So Fred is now a young adult, his money has depleted a lot over the years, and now the ‘Bank of Value’ tell him he is now in charge of the account because he is an adult now.

He wants to go out and have a relationship, he meets someone, they are nice, they make him smile, he feels happy, he feels his bank account is getting some money back into it, this feels great. He brings them home to meet his family, they all get on well, his bank balance is improving, and this is brilliant.

Fred takes his partner to a gig he wants to go to, they are both looking forward to it, while listening to the artist Fred starts to sing along. His partner says to stop, that people were looking, Fred is embarrassed and stops, he feels a little hurt and ashamed, he thinks his partner doesn’t like his singing. When he goes home, again more money has gone out of his bank, when he asks the bank they simply say, “because of you”.

One day, they are supposed to go out on a date, but his partner cancels, his bank balance drops, he feels anxious, he can’t sleep.

When he sees his partner the next time, he struggles to trust they are not going to take out of his bank, so he feels withdrawn from them.

Fred is now realising he can’t trust anyone with his bank, he needs to do something, his bank is getting low. He has decided on a devilish plan, what if I make my partner put back the money I’ve lost, over all these years. Obviously I can’t tell them an amount ‘Bank of Value ‘rule they have to guess, because by guessing if they get it right I might double the amount of money going in, if they get it wrong, I can make them lose money out of their bank, by making them feel bad or anxious for not successfully guessing what I need, so now they can see how it feels.

What Fred hasn’t realised or doesn’t know fully, the bank of value does not allow anyone but the owner of the account to put money in.

Fred continues to hatch his plan, I will make them put money in my bank, that way, if it doesn’t go up, it’s their fault and I will know immediately, then I can tell them, you are not smart or clever, or how useless they are, or I will take money out of their bank, by telling them, oh you should not wear that outfit, or stop talking please your boring people, then they can know how it feels to lose money.

His partner leaves him, they didn’t know how to stop him being so mean or hurting himself, but also hurting them.

Over the years, he has many partners, but now he goes into each relationship, testing them.

He cheats, he drinks, he uses other substances because for a few minutes or hours he feels good, and his bank goes up, but getting sober his bank goes down double what it was the day before he drank, had an affair, used substances, so he may have to repeat the behaviour to just feel his bank go up, even for just that short period.

So Fred now gives the responsibility of his rise or fall in his bank balance to his partner, his substances, or others, he doesn’t trust he can keep his bank happy.

His partners leave because they ask him, how much do you need for me to stop you doing these things, he doesn’t know, they can’t guess, he then blames them, and then continues the behaviours.

Fred needs to start believing in himself, but his life’s experiences have taught him he is not good at managing his Bank of Value.

His partners have tried to fill his bank, some have suggested he starts singing again, to make him feel happy, he might do, but unless they sit with him all the time he is singing and cheer louder than anyone else then he thinks they want him to do that so they can take from his bank, so that makes him distrust more.

Sadly, like Fred if we have a depleted value, for whatever reason it can and usually does affect all our beliefs and choices we make for ourselves and our relationships.

So here I hope I have helped you to see how SELF value works, how it can be damaged, how we might believe we get self-value from others but how impossible that is.

You will notice I didn’t discuss here the two top levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, because if we are still trying to figure how valuable we are to ourselves, we don’t have esteem, and we cannot I believe become who we have a right to be.

Oh, what happened to Fred? He wanted to know how he could help himself, feel safe, and how to be happy.

He went to counselling/therapy he worked really hard, and started to rise to the last two levels of Maslow’s hierarchy

How do we know we may have a low a depleted Bank of Value?

We may: Rely on social media to tell us how good we are.

You may use: Alcohol, Drugs, Gambling and Affairs.

We may need our partners to tell us how good we are, constantly need reassurance, but don’t feel we get it.

We feel our partners don’t love us enough, don’t care enough, don’t show it, we are always looking for them to prove it, yet it’s never enough.

We are jealous of them, or other people.

We blame others, its other people’s fault we feel bad.

We people please.

We criticise our partners, looks, behaviours, friends, views.

If we do something and it’s not recognised we may sulk.

We presume the behaviour of others, when they negative it’s because of us.

You artificially inflate your ego because you may believe someone is above you.

Or tear the other person down to your level (leveling)

Tearing anyone down or critiquing them is a sign of low self esteem

Control all our intimate relationships, even ones we are no longer in. E.g., ex partners, divorced.

We may isolate ourselves so we don’t get involved with people because it hurts too much.

My name is Mary T Aaron, I am a therapist, and I work in the field of relationships, regardless who or what with, we all have a right to be who we want to be, we just have to figure the tools and work through, why not call for free 30 minute consultation, to see if I can help.

Merry Christmas and here is to a Happy New You

We all hope the next year will be better, different, less sad, and less lonely, less weight, less arguing, less single life, less problems with the family, less arguing with the kids, your partner, your friends.

Less of all the stuff we don’t want and lots of opportunity to have the stuff we do want.

So brilliant, all we need to do is wait …….. Wait for the New Year to come, yep, wait ……. And wait …… because surely at the stroke of midnight on the 31st of December, my world will change.

Yet on the 1st of January, apart from a possible thumping head, and remembering the giggles from the party you may have attended, oh and the copious resolutions you had made, there wasn’t much difference so far.

So New Year Resolutions….. Mmmmm “A firm decision to do something”

Definition according to Oxford Dictionary.

The top 3 Resolutions.

1 Exercise to get in shape.

2 Save Money.

3 Be healthier in general.

YouGov.com

These all look brilliant. However let’s look at them closer.

 “1 Exercise to get in shape” what does this mean, this is so vague, are we joining a gym, they are closed on 1st of January. ‘Ah well it will have to be tomorrow, oh no I’m back at work tomorrow, I will do it at the weekend, oh I can’t I’m going to mums, oh I’ll do it next week.

“2 Save Money. “we all should do this, so how are we doing this,’ can’t start yet, I blew everything on the sales and last night’s party, I will start at the end of the month, oh I can’t I owe mum for the money she loaned me to do Christmas, and my credit card is so high, I will start next month’.

“3 Be healthier in general”. Again we should all do this, so let’s break this down into two health parts of us, physical and mental health. So we decided in resolution 1 we will chase that up in next week or so …… mmmmmm, mental health…… ‘I know my relationship is not to good, it’s like this every year so no difference there, I know my anxieties are high sometimes,, but I always get stressed when I’m busy, and I can’t sleep, but its only because I have stuff on my mind, Christmas is a busy time, it will sort itself out, if not I will go to the doctor, and talk to them, when I’m not at work, Plus we have the summer holidays to look forward to’

Wow, just writing this made me sad, we decide on being resolute to change our lives for the better, yet we do not care enough about us to plan this, to take our time to research the best way for us to get fit and healthy, physically, we do not deem we are important enough to check out what it is we want to save for and set a plan in action to get us there, and most worrying of all, is all this lack of organising and planning causes us anxieties all year , to the point we do not enjoy our life in the moment we being to plan the next distraction our holiday.

We choose to ignore our mental health with regard to relationships, we choose to ignore our physical health, and this plays a part in our mental health, financial worries that keep us awake at night that creates depression and anxiety.

So I have come up with a radical plan, what if we do our resolutions in December? What if we spend December getting ready for the New Year?

So here goes: New Year Resolution.

The top 3 Resolutions.

1 Exercise to get in shape……. Check out a local gym, they usually have really good offers on at this time of year, decide what getting into shape means for you, maybe it’s not a gym, maybe its swimming, or walking, create a daily/weekly monthly plan, so if say you don’t do it Monday, you can give your self-permission to say I will leave it today, but tomorrow I will choose to do it.  To say ‘I want to be 5 st lighter this time next year’ is too big a plan, what if we say I want to lose lb by the end of each month. This is so achievable, make sure you maintain fun, so what if your plan is 5 days a week, then 2 days you live your best life, and enjoy.

2 Save Money. ……. So why are you saving? What is it for? Then how much do I need? And can I afford it? Once we know the whys and what reason we can start a reasonable budget. There are some amazing online banks, (Starling bank) being one, I’m with them, they are good because they give you an opportunity to set your financial goals, daily/weekly/monthly/yearly I have already started to save for things that are coming up next year, and I’m pretty useless at that kind of thing. Why not check out how you plan to save, now then you can begin it in the New Year.

3 Be healthier in general……. This feels big and doesn’t say a lot, so perhaps here we need to explore all things health. When we talk in terms of health we always discuss it as if we only have one element that can suffer health wise, but there are two aspects to us, physical and mental health both should be viewed and seen as the same importance.

We still sadly see mental health as an issue to be either medicated and nursed or hospitalised, well I’m here to tell you out of 100 people surveyed 100 and physical and mental health, we all have both, some of us have higher anxiety than others, some of us struggle to sleep, some of us, have phobias, addictions, some have difficult relationships, mental health is in all of us , why not decide to write a list of what you see as possible recurring anxiety issues, and make an appointment to see someone, make the appointment for the New Year, your first appointment to discovering a new you.

Everything here is beyond possible, and what if you end this year having instigated your New You resolutions.

“FOR NEXT YEAR TO BE DIFFERENT, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT”

Merry Christmas and here is to a Happy New You

Call 07539738191 for a free 30 minute consultation

How do i know if i need Counselling/Therapy?

How can I tell if I need Counselling?

This is an interesting question, because I’m sure lots of us have wondered, why I do the same things? Why does this not work? or why does that always go wrong? why are other people happy? and I’m not, why do their relationships seem to work? and mine always end the same. Or I always feel like I’m looking in at other people’s happiness and fun and mine is always short lived, or goes wrong.

All why Questions.

So I think the answer is simple, but can be difficult to change on our own, and this is where therapy/counselling can play apart.

Let’s look at childhood, and before you all turn off and say “oh here we go, childhood issues” this is less about childhood issues, and everything about childhood perception and understanding.

But we need to understand it because we cannot change what we do not recognise

For instance, if we teach a child to speak French only, then it stands to Reason she/he will speak French as an adult.

That applies to all our childhood experiences, like language, like different kinds of influences, all the explicit overtures we see, smell and touch, but equally the implicit, those that are not obvious, that you don’t recognise as influential but are.

So to begin if we can consider, when we have children, we are raising adults, so what kind of adult did your parent raise?

Drawn by Mary T Aaron, 12/7/19, using opposing hand.

If we are taught as children that the world is scary, and you cannot go out alone because bad people are out there, you are going to grow up scared of the world, and so venturing into the world, with no skills or tools to manoeuvre it, will or could put you in a dangerous situation and this will reinforce your belief that what you were told is true.

If we are taught to react to something that scares us angrily, then as adults we will react angrily to what scares us.

So for example, if we teach a young child not to climb the stairs, if we tell them every time they try,” no” you will hurt yourself, that child is likely to be very scared around stairs, and as an adult will likely be very scared of stairs, but also scared of anything that feels/seems risky.

But maybe as we are now adults we do not understand why we fear certain things, perhaps we have little childhood memory or Because the teachings where when we were very young.

Ask yourself, what are you scared of now, but do not understand why!

So how does this affect us now? In our relationships, does it answer the Why questions?

Well ask yourself, who did you learn to have a solid, amazing relationship from?

Who taught you, to treat yourself with love, with value, with a moral compass?

 How did you learn to love another person, and to value them to care for them?

We learn all this in our childhood, parents, family, movies, books other people, friends.

Drawn by Mary T Aaron 10/7/19

So now we are grown up, and we have to go out and be the adults our childhood prepared us for.

drawn by Mary T Aaron. July 2019.

So if you were made to feel pretty but not very bright, then you will enter the world feeling pretty, but you are likely to struggle on the intellectual level, that doesn’t mean it’s true, it means you were likely taught not to value it, however what do you do when pretty does not matter? What if pretty only mattered in your house but the rest of the world, school, employers, partners want and expect more, you will quickly lose confidence in yourself, you are likely to  feel not pretty ‘enough’ so now the one important thing you were told is giving you the least confidence.

Where do you put your value now? Where is your self-confidence and self-esteem now?

If you were taught don’t cry, crying is for babies and softies, you are likely to grow up hiding your feelings, so will perhaps  struggle with intimate relationships because you cannot share being vulnerable.

Remember if the only language you know is French, then you are going to speak French, unless you learn another language.

So how does therapy/counselling help?

Well we will explore who you are, we will develop a new relationship with yourself, the above images, Miss Baggage and Mr Baggage, show you, the child in us saying “hey I’m still here” counselling/Therapy will help you to revalue who you are, it will help you to see that if like Mr and Miss Baggage, we take those kind of bags into our relationships we can see how it could go wrong or how indeed it could be amazing.

 During Counselling/Therapy we may have to do some shuffling around of your baggage, and replace it with some of the stuff in the good bag.

We will explore what you bring, to all your relationships, friendships, but more importantly what you say to yourself, daily, hourly, minute by minute.

If any of this is slightly familiar, or you recognise any of the behaviours whether you are single, in a relationship, why not give me a call, I offer a free 30 minute consult, so you have nothing to lose, but it could change your life forever.

Mary T Aaron 2019.

Feel free to Post any comments using the comments button below.

Marytaaron.com

Call 07539738191

Counselling, does it work? do I need it ?

Does this work?

We all have times in our lives when we are restless, when our sleep is difficult, and what I mean by difficult, I mean falling asleep and waking up often or unable to fall sleep, mind working overtime.


I know I do, but what is more difficult is to understand is why?
We can be living our life, getting on with what needs to be done, kids need to be ready for school, we have to sort them out, then we have to get ourselves to work, or maybe we don’t have kids. We may be alone, and we have slept badly and we have to get sorted to be out in time for work, our energy levels are low and yet we have to let the world see we are our normal open, happy selves when inside we want to cry, curl up or just go home, close the doors and lock the world out for a bit.


So why do we do this? What is it that’s happening that’s making us like this?
I believe, when we are in this space it’s hard to explain to ourselves never mind our family or our colleagues, so let me give you an example:-


Meet Joseph, so 3 weeks ago Joseph met his old school friend James. They had not seen each other since leaving school over 10 years ago, James looked a little down, so they went for a coffee and James told Joesph how his wife had left him for his best friend 3 years ago, and he hasn’t seen his kids properly since and she’s taking him to court for everything.

He then describes the destruction to himself and his life, Joseph is shocked, James was a big strong happy guy at school, the girls loved him and the guys wanted to be him so this was quite a shock. 


After James finished talking, he asked Joseph how he was and Joseph told him, I’m good life is OK thank you, they both left saying they would meet again.


Joseph went back to work, a little quieter, however he could not shake James out of his mind, later at home Joseph’s girlfriend asked if he was OK so he said yeah and began to tell her, her phone rang she picked it up, it was her friend from work and she had to take it ……. When she returned to Joseph she began to tell him about an incident at work and so Joseph didn’t bring James up again. 


So going to bed Joseph tried to sleep, he would fall asleep, then wake up, he tossed and turned, but it was not about James he was thinking, it was about when he was 14.


So the following day, Joseph went to work as usual, everyone was getting on with work, someone asked Joseph how is evening was? He said yea it was OK, what else could he say? How can he tell his colleague, “oh I hardly slept, I couldn’t stop thinking about my old friend and it brought up stuff from being a kid” no we don’t do that, we just say “yeah it was OK” or “yeah I’m fine thank you”


So we carry on, we go home from work, we feel out of sorts, not only are we tired but we are now feeling low, we don’t know why, we just know we don’t feel right. Our partners could return from work say something inoffensive and now we hear something else in what they are saying, so a simple, “hey have you got dinner tonight?” can sound like “why have you not prepared dinner? You’re so lazy” and so now we have become sensitive to small things.


These are now causing issues between you and your partner, your work colleagues because you’re not fun anymore,  you can’t be bothered with hobbies you had, like your work football team meet ups, or drinks with friends.


So why? Why has this happened?
Let’s have a look at what happened to Joseph, he met with James, he heard his awful story, he went home sad, he couldn’t sleep but his dreams are not of James plight, but of when he was 14 years old.


So when Joseph was 14 or 15 years old his world changed, his dad left home, his mum was constantly crying, dad only came round once or twice a month. Dad met someone else, she moved in they had another baby.

Joseph and his older sister now hardly saw dad, mum had a few boyfriends but none that lasted or where not that good, she hardly bothered with herself now, she went to work, sat in her room, didn’t come out very often, the kids had to feed themselves, Joseph’s older sister left home a year later to move in with her boyfriend.

So when Joseph applied for university he applied as far away as possible so he could move out and live in halls.
So here we can see a chance meeting, with an old friend triggered lots of old feelings and emotions for Joseph, none of which he could explain to his friends who began to withdraw from him, nor could he explain to his girlfriend, who was now losing patients with him because he comes home from work and goes straight to his room, but more importantly he didn’t understand.


So if you are familiar with anything here, or can recognize some of it, then you may have triggers that you’re just not aware of, that could start to unravel, well that is what counseling/therapy can help you with.


So to the question, counselling does it work ? i can tell you in my experience as a counsellor but also as a client it certainly does, but to the question, do I need it?
I would ask myself what have I got to lose, an hour of my time to say nah not for me or yes I’m glad I did this.

WHY NOT DROP ME A MESSAGE, LETS SEE IF WE CAN WORK TOGETHER