Why do we complicate our relationships? we should Compliment them.
I want to talk about what is really possible, I want to talk about why we stay in the same place, same relationship problems, whether single or in a partnerships, why does nothing change? even if its a new relationship, it always ends the same.
We are all busy, kids, work, family, lots of distractions. I’m going to ask you to take a minute and just sit and be, now think about your intimate relationships,intimate can be kids, family, friends not just partners. how are these relationships? good? fun? What is missing from them? Are you fulfilled in them ? Are you happy in them ?
If the answer is in the negative, then why?
The majority of my clients state they want happiness, want to feel loved and cared for, but they struggle to find this, they state all their relationships end the same way, they want to know why?
Well I believe we make 3 fundamental mistakes in our expectations of relationships.
Mistake 1: My partner should make me happy.
It is not your partners role to make you happy, if you believe another person is going to change your world and that they are going to make happiness happen for you, sadly you will be disappointed. So when we meet someone that wonderful, giddy feeling we have is about the newness of meeting a potential life partner, it’s all our hormones kicking in, life is beautiful, it’s an amazing feeling, the flushes of the beginning of a relationship.
So why does this not last? Because life gets in the way, reality sets in. now we are likely to start to test the strength of the relationship.
So for the first while you and the stranger are getting to know how things may work, it feels fun, but then things change, family, kids, friends work general life stuff, and this strangers job role just got serious, only they didn’t know, you did, you didn’t tell them, you expected them to know, when they don’t, you discard them and tell them you’re not up to the job, thank you for your interest but I have to let you go!!!
Happiness is your job, no one can have that job, you cannot give the job to anyone else, if we keep trying to hand the role to someone else we will always 100% always fail.
Mistake 2: Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
Being with another is a risk, it is scary it is wonderful but it is scary. We are going to be vulnerable, we are going to open up, let another person see our most private and intimate parts of our bodies, our minds and our thoughts.
If we are damaged, we enter with an agenda of mistrust, if we mistrust we will never feel able to be vulnerable, open and honest, if we guard part of us, we are keeping our partners out of our lives, this creates cracks in our relationships.
we may create the very thing we are scared of, through jealousy, pushing our partner away, with questions, accusations, and possessiveness.
Your partner is not responsible for making you secure, that is your job, you cannot give them that job. If we keep trying to hand the role to someone else we will always 100% always fail.
Mistake 3: A belief that sex will just happen.
Why do we believe that “this” partner will be the one to make me want to have sex all the time?
Why? Why do we have an expectation that we should be having sex all the time, and if we are not we are somehow not good enough.
It’s my experience working with many clients that this “all the time” expectation simply does not happen, sure the media and other social outlets would have us believe everyone is at it, and if we are not we are inadequate, it’s simply not true.
However what I do know, sexual intimacy is more than just the act, and it’s the intimacy of laying together, reading, or talking about your day. It’s about watching TV, cuddling, it’s about the smallest of things that are beautiful and profound. Running a bath for your partner, making your partner a cup of tea in the morning.
Being intimate with your partner is so much more than having sex, being intimate is all day, it’s little texts that say “Hi, I love you” randomly through the day, try it, it’s so powerful.
So there we have it 3 mistakes, that complicate us, that destroys our relationships, why not give this some thought, consider your past or present relationship. Are these stumbling blocks you recognize? If they are change it, we can’t change what we don’t see, if we now see it, we can change it.
Ask yourself, do I compliment or complicate? If you want successful relationships you need to be honest with who you are and what you bring to the table.
Remember you are your job, you cannot hand that job to anyone else if we keep trying to hand the role to someone else we will always 100% always fail.
Call me, 07539738191